Remembering Becky
“Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die. ”
See those beautiful ladies in the picture above? That is a picture of me (Tabitha) and my three younger sisters. That little one, third from the left? That’s Becky. This picture resonates with me because I think it encapsulates who Becky was—someone who loved her sisters and was proud of her accomplishments.
This picture was taken approximately 2 years and 11 months before we lost Becky. Becky passed away on May 30, 2014. Becky died due to complications from her 14-year battle with anorexia. In the weeks prior to entering the hospital, she began to realize that something was really wrong. Her body had gone from 93 lbs to 73 lbs in a short amount of time, and she was getting weaker. She began calling different facilities to find an inpatient program and get help. She finally found a program in Denver, CO, a few days before she was admitted to the hospital and spoke to them on May 14, 2014. We didn’t know then that it was too late.
The following is a timeline taken from her “Prayers for Becky” page on Facebook, a page my sister, Kimmy, started while we were all praying that Becky would recover in the hospital during her last two weeks on Earth.
May 15, 2014 – Becky is found unresponsive in her bed at home. Her husband, Kevin, and my sister, Kimmy, rushed her to the Marion General Hospital Emergency Room, where they were joined by the rest of our family. We were told at that time that her liver was not functioning appropriately, and she was transferred to Riverside Methodist Hospital and put on a ventilator.
May 15-May 19, 2014 – Becky remains unresponsive in Riverside’s Critical Care Unit as the ammonia levels in her liver spike. She had developed an infection in her blood, but her body was responding to the antibiotics.
May 19, 2014 – My sister, Kimmy, creates the “Prayers for Becky” page on Facebook. We intermittently update the site with her status, ask for prayers, and thank everyone for praying for the family over the next several days.
May 20—Becky’s ammonia levels go down. The doctors turned off the ventilator to see her body’s response, and her lungs began filling with fluid.
May 22—Becky continued to struggle with breathing, and she was kept on the ventilator. Riverside’s palliative care team begins discussing what to do if her heart stops. We began to realize that things were even more dire than we initially expected. None of us can believe this is happening. Becky has been in more car wrecks than anyone could imagine, and she’s never had a scratch — and we’re going to lose her now, like this?
May 23—Over the next day or two, Becky begins to wake up a little as her ammonia levels decrease. She is responsive, but she still has to have the ventilator. She is able to answer yes and no by moving her head, and she can look at us. She even sticks her tongue out and makes her usual faces.
May 25—Becky is unresponsive again. We get the call from Mom and Dad that the doctors are saying she may not make it through the night. Everyone makes the hour-long drive to Riverside and waits to see what the doctors have to say.
May 26—Her liver function is low, and her kidneys are beginning to shut down as well. We continue to pray for a miracle, even though the doctors are not optimistic.
May 27-28—The doctors inform us that Becky’s heart is only functioning at about 25%, and it is beginning to fail as well. She is currently in liver, kidney, and heart failure. The doctors put her on continual dialysis and tell us to prepare. We continue to pray.
May 29—Kevin spoke to the doctors and put a plan in place for Becky. If she continues to show no progress by Sunday, he will sign a DNR, and she will be able to pass peacefully.
May 30—Becky had a stroke last night and had bleeding in her brain. In true Becky fashion, no one else will make the decision on what she will do—not even this. The doctors told us she would pass away today, and she did. She was surrounded by our parents, her husband, her children, and her in-laws. I went down to the chapel, and I was there when she passed away, giving her spirit a hymn as she shook loose from this Earth. We sat at the hospital for a very long time. Dad had to make Mom leave, and I went in to see Becky one last time. I was the last one in the hospital room with her. I had been reading to her every time I visited her hospital room, but this time there was nothing to read. So, I picked up the Holy Bible, and I read Revelation 21:4 to her:
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
It was the saddest day of my life—of any of our lives. My family has struggled to understand why this had to happen and struggled to regain any of the balance we had before this happened. We all know that our lives will never be the same. There will always be a hole in our hearts without her here.
I love you, Becky, and I will see you again one day.
